"Exhilarating," she says.

That one word has so much force it knocks the wind out of me. I feel like I've been plunged into cold water, or maybe hot water.

(And the goofy side chimes in with "When I bite into a York peppermint patty...")

Me, boring old me, exhilarating? Ridiculous... but I know Shemem never lies. Well then, if I am exhilarating to her, it is because she makes me that way.

Every time I think I'm calming down and getting used to it, feeling content instead of giddy, full instead of bursting, happy instead of ecstatic, she says something to kick it back up again. Or, to my surprise, I do.

There's one heck of a feedback loop at work here.

She thought of me first. (This in itself is a source of great amazement to me.)

I was thinking of other possibilities at the time, women in the House I had met and liked... but there are many; I like most everyone in the House. Most of them are married. Some very charming and attractive, but needing something other than me, and vice versa. Some very nice but there's just no spark beyond friendship.

And then I found out she was thinking of me. You know when you light a gas stove, and the extra fuel goes "whumpf?" That's what it was like. I was grinning and blushing already at that point.

Some cautious fencing on our LiveJournals; neither of us wanted to read too much into what might have been flirting and hinting and what might not have been. (My prior track record in interpreting signs from women has been abysmal.) And then Iunet -- one of those who is charming and attractive and we're so not each others' type, but she makes a kick-ass friend -- swiftly cuts through the fog, and I see that Shemem and I both want the same thing in a relationship.

There are minor differences and obstacles. Cat person and dog person. Electronic music fan and 80's rock fan (but she likes the music I've created, and I like the music she's created). 470 miles as the crow flies, or 609 by road. (Considering that Sen and Wadjyt live 5893 miles apart, I think we can cope!) Neither of us has much money to throw at the problem.

A relationship like this, falling in love at an accelerating rate over the course of 4 days, and having never met in person -- it's risky. All love is risky. Maybe it won't work. That would hurt like hell. It already hurts even knowing it possible. ("Love tears you up," Iunet said... no kidding.) But I accept the risk. To win would be to gain the greatest thing in the world. To lose would still be to have held that great thing for a time.

Dua Netjer enetj, Shemem. Iw mer-i tjen. :)

Posted 06:42 AM CST [Link] [Archives] [Index]

Oh yeah. I am completely ruining any chance I have of coming off as mysterious and shadowy. :)

Aww, that's so sweet. I was reading through some of the stuff she wrote and some of the stuff you wrote. It's all so geniune that it's almost hard to believe that the majority of this happened in a matter of four days.

Quite a few people I know met online and are living quite happily together. I sincerely hope things work out between you two. :)

I don't think love tears you up. If it is real love, and mutual, it aches, but the joy that reaches across neglects any tearing. Sort of like having a wee one. ;)